Script #1 (Role of Michelle)
Reader: Michelle, you need to calm down.
Michelle: I just don’t understand why Rita said that I am paranoid. I mean, I don’t think that I am paranoid. Do you think I am paranoid? What is paranoid anyway? Does it mean that I think people are following me? That they are listening to my conversations? That they are listening to my conversations? That they are checking on my emails? I mean what does she mean that I am paranoid? Do you think that she actually said that first or is there somebody else that started the whole paranoid thing? What do you think?
Reader: Well I…
Michelle: You do think that I’m paranoid don’t you. I can see it in your eyes. When have I ever been paranoid? I am a very confident person. I never need affirmation from anybody, do I?
Reader: Michelle, I think caring what other people think of you is a characteristic of being paranoid.
Script #2 (Role of Ashley)
Ashley: I’m talking about our will. Let’s see, your tools go to your brother.
Reader: No, no, no, they’ll…
Ashley: I thought you weren’t participating.
Reader: I’m not participating. Those are my tools and I want to be buried with them.
Ashley: Oh, by the way, you’re not being buried. I’m having you cremated.
Reader: You are not going to put me in some stupid urn up on the bookcase.
Ashley: Oh no, I wouldn’t do that. I’m just going to put you in a mayonnaise jar behind the electric drill.
Script #3 (Role of Linda)
Linda: You have never tried to understand me. Every time I try to get close to you, you pull away from me.
Reader: You just don’t understand.
Linda: No, I do understand. You are completely afraid of commitment. I have been wasting my time for way too long.
Reader: I don’t feel like what we have is a waste.
Linda: That’s because you are calling all the shots. You have given me nothing. I don’t even know where we stand.
Reader: That is not true.
Linda: Well things are changing today. I am done. I have given you every opportunity to make a commitment and its just not going to happen. I am leaving and you might as well not try to stop me, once I make a commitment I stick with it and I commit to not being with you.
Script #1 (Role of Beth)
Beth: Hey Sheila, I just found a very masculine looking cell phone at the coffee shop.
Reader: Really, What are you going to do with it?
Beth: Well, I think this is fate. I mean what if this guy turns out to be Mr. Right?
Reader: You have been watching too much reality TV. What if he turns out to be an ax murderer?
Beth: He can’t be, he has Barney’s on his speed dial.
Reader: Who the heck is Barney’s?
Beth: You know Barney’s, only the best shopping experience ever!
Reader: What pretentious person would have a department store on their speed dial?
Beth: His new girlfriend!!
Script #2 (Role of Alyssa)
Alyssa: How can you say that? You haven’t even met my father.
Reader: I know. I just have a father phobia.
Alyssa: But you have to meet him. He’ll never let me go out with you if you can’t even face him. I mean he looks a little rough when you first see him but once you get to know him…
Reader: What do you mean rough?
Alyssa: Did I say rough? Oh, well that just kind of slipped out. Not really rough. He’s just a little one the edge most of the time.
Reader: On the edge of what? Insanity? Ok, that’s it. I’ll see you later. I just don’t think this is going to work out.
Alyssa: Can anybody say…Old Maid?!
Script #3 (Role of Heather)
Heather: Do you always have to be so cheesy?
Reader: What do you mean?
Heather: You are always coming on to girls telling them how hot and how funny they are.
Reader: No I don’t
Heather: Yes you do! It is so nauseating. Do you honestly think anyone believes a word you say when you say it to everyone? How desperate do you think these girls are?
Reader: I do think you are beautiful.
Heather: Really? Oh, you are so sweet…
Script #1 (Role of Megan)
Megan: Welcome to A and E jeans. Can I help you today?
Bob: No thank you, I am just looking.
Megan: Well just to let you know, we have a great sale on all of our denim. It is 25% off all store purchases today only.
Bob: Thank you. I am just browsing today. I don’t really need jeans.
Megan: Well if it’s shirts you’re looking for, we have a whole rack at the back of the store with clearance prices starting at $9.99. Feel free to check them out.
Bob: Thank you, I will be fine. I really would like to be left alone to look.
Megan: Of course, but while you’re shopping alone, remember that you get 15% off your entire purchase if you sign up for a store credit card.
Bob: I’m out of here.
Script # 2 (Role of Katie)
Katie: Dad, everybody is going to the party. I’ll be the laughing stock of the school if I don’t go.
Dad: You can go if your older brother can go with you.
Katie: Are you serious?
Dad: Yes I am.
Katie: You actually want me to show up at MY friend’s birthday party with my brother?
Dad: That’s what I said.
Katie: Well you might as well start selling tickets to the “loser show” because I will be the star!
Dad: You know if I did sell tickets I could buy that new set of golf clubs.
Script #1 (Role of Cindy)
Cindy: I can’t believe you are leaving me here after mom said you had to stay home.
Reader: I am not staying home when the biggest party of the year is happening down the street just because of my bratty little sister.
Cindy: I’m not supposed to be left alone. You heard what mom said. You’re gonna be in so much trouble.
Reader: You aren’t going to be left alone. I asked Mrs. Farley to come sit with you.
Cindy: Old woman Farley, she’s ancient! She can’t watch me. She falls asleep every time she sits down. Mom’s gonna kill you.
Reader: I’m going and that’s that. I hear somebody pulling in. It must be Old Wo…I mean Mrs. Farley. It’s time for me to go. Get the door while I gem my coat.
Cindy: Whatever your majesty. (opens door) Uh oh…hey mom, its good to see you back home. Guess where Julie’s going.
Script #2 (Role of Lyndon)
Lyndon: Woooooo!! Party!
Reader: What happened to you?
Lyndon: (very excited and speedy) I tried this awesome drink called Demon. Actually, I tried seven of them. And I feel great! Except for my feet, which I can’t feel at all.
Reader: Red Demon? Do you know what’s in that?
Lyndon: (high energy) Carbonated water, sucrose, glucose, sodium citrate, taurine, glucuronolactone, caffeine, calcium-pantothenate, pyridoxine, yellow dye number seven, red dye number thirty-six… Oh, and vitamin C, so it’s good for you.
Script #3 (Role of Lilly)
Lilly: Miley, what’s wrong?
Reader: (Holds up hand and can’t speak)
Lilly: Oh, no, you got a “D” in algebra? A “D” in science? You saw your yearbook picture?
Reader: No, I’m listening to…what’s wrong with my yearbook picture?
Lilly: Nothing, it’s a sweet smile. It says, “I’m friendly and I like spinach.”
Script #1 (Role of Devin)
Devin: I miss mommy so much.
Reader: I know honey, I miss her too.
Devin: Who’s going to make my breakfast and tuck me in at night?
Reader: I’m going to do my best, I promise.
Devin: But it’s not the same, you’re not her.
Reader: I know. But I love you just as much.
Devin: I love you too Daddy.
Script #2 (Role of Emily)
Emily: I think you should be able to eat Ice Cream for dinner.
Dad: Honey, Ice Cream doesn’t have what you need to grow big and strong.
Emily: Well it is made with milk isn’t it?
Dad: Yes but they have added a lot of sugar to make it Ice Cream.
Emily: Make up your mind dad. One minute you’re asking me to be sweet and then you don’t want me to eat sugar. MEN!
Script #3 (Role of Katelyn)
Katelyn: Dad, I want an allowance.
Dad: Sweetie, you are too young to get an allowance.
Katelyn: But dad, Tommy gets an allowance. What makes him so special?
Dad: Your brother is older, and he cleans his room. That is why he gets an allowance.
Katelyn: Well I am sweeter and much cuter, that should be good for something. I’ll let you think about it and then get back to you.